I'm Not Me Anymore
by LolaBelle2
Summary: Rescuing Sam from Mathias is Lara's top priority. Dying for Sam? That's not okay with someone. Lara awakens from the dead, and there's a hefty price she has to pay. An evil deity lurks in Lara's shadow, and he'll use her to get what he wants. Siding with the enemy is the only road ahead of her. Day by day, a piece of her soul crumbles away and she is to be led further astray.
1. Chapter 1

-Lara's POV-

Okay I know I'm close now. Those men must have been posted outside to keep outsiders from coming inside. Hopefully there won't be a lot of Solarii soldiers to deal with. I haven't really thought this through. All I know is I have to hurry, get Sam and others and get the hell out of here. Roth would probably yell at me right now for not having a plan. He used to tell me when I was younger that my recklessness was going to be the death of me one of these days. I hope he's wrong this time. He's almost never wrong. He-

"My brothers!"

That voice!

I immediately whipped out my bow after hearing that monster's voice.

I crept silently until I could start to make out the silhouettes of figures in the crowd; the crowd of Solarii soldiers watching my closest friend about to be burned alive for a crazy ritual.

I bobbed and weaved out of sight while Mathius continued speaking, "Listen to me now. Out in the world, we were nothing. But here… here we are the Solarii, the Sun Queen's children. She brought us here for a reason. I know you want your freedom. I know you want to escape this place. But to do so, we must release our Queen. Like us, she is a prisoner. If we can free her-"

"Sam!" I silently whispered. I could see her struggling against her bonds.

Mathius raised his fist in the air, "- we free ourselves! This girl… she carries the blood of this land. She could be the key. The Ritual of Flames will show us the truth!"

My heart sped up as he gestured towards Sam. She looked so fragile and petrified. I don't know how I'm going to get her out of here, but I have to do something! She can't just die!

"Himiko, you are the first and the last…" Mathius said as another Solarii soldier walked towards Sam with a lit torch.

No! They can't do this!

Mathius yelled in joy, "Speak to us now!"

I aimed my bow at the bastard's head who was about to burn my friend. Without a second thought, I shot him through his skull. The arrow had zipped past bare inches of Mathius' face. I aimed my next arrow for Mathius, but I barely had time to register the horde of men swarming towards me. I blindly shot another arrow and missed the man who rammed into me, and flipped me on my back.

The breath was knocked out of me, and I felt a hard force hit my chest.

"You killed our brother!" The man screamed and punched me in the face repeatedly, "Now I'm going to kill you!" I was yelling out in pain and trying to get as far away from him as possible, but another man forced me to stay in place as I was being beat to death. "This is for Vladimir outsider!"

"Enough!" Mathius' gruff voice yelled at his subordinate, "Dmitri, Nikolai! Bring her to me."

My whole body ached and went lax as I was stripped of my weapons. I felt myself being lifted up by my arms and dragged towards their leader.

"Ghh!" I yelped in pain when Mathius roughly grabbed the top of my head, forcing me to look towards him.

He started saying something to me but pain was the only thing my brain kept repeating, so I didn't care to listen.

The man had started the fire at Sam's feet. I fought through the haze in my mind, and tried to comfort her. She is going to die because of me. EVERYONE that boarded the Endurance is doomed to die here because of me. The least I could do was tell Sam I'm sorry.

The flames were almost within her reach as she started to scream into the piece of cloth around her mouth, but as quickly as they came… they died out.

Everyone was in awe at how Sam was still alive. I'm just grateful she'll be okay for a little while longer. They all started discussing their next plan of action, and I heard something about a throne room I think? That's where they're taking her next. I have to-

"Ugh!" I groaned when I was forced to my feet again. They are taking me away from Sam.

The others are captured, and Roth is injured so I am the only one who can save her. I can't die. Not yet, please! Please!

My fight or flight instincts took over my mind more so than rational thinking was at the moment when two men started to drag me away to finish me off.

We reached a place that smelled of rust and blood, secluded from everyone else, and I immediately went into action.

I quickly lunged for the machete at the guy on my right and I pushed him off, and into a bloody sea, then I went for the one on my left and dug the machete deep into his stomach, and kicked him off of my machete to tumble down after the other guy.

No matter how much it hurts, I have to keep going. Sam is still in danger and the Solarii think I'm dead. Roth… I hope you'll be proud of me, because I've figured out a plan.


	2. Chapter 2

-Sam's POV-

These Solarii lunatics must think I'm a dog. They lead me around, and tie me up in places to make sure I won't run away. Why am I so important to them? I always joked about Himiko being my ancestor, but that was it! I was just joking! And now… it's not funny anymore. These people want to release her using me? I always thought myths weren't true and some people claim there's always a little truth to myths, but Mathias has everyone worshipping this so- called fucking myth!

I'm scared out of my mind. I was almost eat up by flames, but something… somehow protected me from them. They say it was Himiko, maybe it was… Gah! No that's crazy!

She's dead in a tomb somewhere in Yamatai. She is a fallen goddess who hasn't been heard of for centuries. She can't possibly be up and running the show here!

But… with all the insane things happening here, I'm starting to consider the possibility.

If they could really bring their fallen Queen back to her throne, what's she going to do? Mathias keeps promising everyone that they will all get off this island, but I don't think she'd let that happen. What's a king or queen without their people? She'd be nothing without a nation to rule over.

I'm still tied up to the stake I almost burned at. Mathias and the rest of the Solarii are speaking in a different language I can't understand. The last thing I could understand was I'm going to be taken to the throne room and Lara… I hope she got away. I can't believe she put her life on the line like that, but I probably would have done the same for her.

If I didn't get myself captured, none of this would be happening. It's all my fault. I should be the one that takes the beatings, not Lara.

I can't even imagine how or what all she did just to get to me. She's seen hell out there, I'm sure.

Mathias has ordered the Solarii not to lay a finger on me, and surprisingly, none of them have. I doubt they do it in honor of Mathias. They fear Himiko more than him, but Mathias likes to act like the right hand man for the Sun Queen.

Mathias started to make his way towards me to untie me himself, personally. I think he thinks the Sun Queen will bless him or something for stupid things like this.

He went to my side where he started to untangle the knot. I heard fast footsteps and saw Mathias go stiff by my side.

A blade was pressed against his throat, and none other than Lara Croft was the one wielding it.

She looked fatigued, but her eyes were blazing with determination.

"Untie her now!" Lara demanded with a fierce look, but it was all bravado, I could tell. She's scared too. Maybe more so than me at the moment because to Mathias, she's disposable and she knows it, but she refuses to give up, and I deeply admire her for it.

I gulp as he slowly begins to untie me. All the Solarii soldiers stand back in a crowd, not moving, just watching.

Lara's eyes dart from Mathias, to his minions, and to corners of the cave. She's probably looking for an escape route. That takes a lot of concentration probably.

This is a huge risk, I realize, and we have almost no way out of here safely. At any moment, Mathias could do some dirty trick, or Solarii could sneak up her, or when we're running away all the exits could be blocked. She's just one person, a teenage girl who shouldn't be in this position!

I slumped to the floor and got straight back up as quickly as I could and turned towards Lara.

"Sam, get behind me," Lara was looking everywhere at once while using Mathias as a human shield. We started to slowly walk back towards and exit while Solarii watched our every move.

Lara held the blade to Mathias' throat firmly, but making sure it didn't slice through because this was our only way out. And we couldn't lose our only leverage.

I was keeping my eye on the crowd of Solarii trying to observe the surroundings. Maybe I can be helpful by-

"Mmph!" I yelped as a Solarii grabbed me from behind.

"Sam!" Lara yelled and let go of Mathias as she came running towards the man who grabbed me.

I tried to scream, to warn Lara, but it was too late.

Mathias grabbed Lara's hair and threw her backwards towards the Solarii crowd. She screamed as one of them brought her to her knees, and held a blade to her throat, silencing her.

"Not as much as fun on this end is it girl?" Mathias retorted to Lara dusting off his cloak.

The man holding Lara clamped her mouth shut so she couldn't say anything back. She struggled and writhed trying to get out of his vice-like grip, but he kneed her in the back, hard and she slumped forward breathing heavy.

"While this has been an entertaining, little game of cat mouse, I'm afraid I have to end you now, girl. You're hindrance to my Queen," Mathias' tone sounded as if it was dipped in acid. He nodded his head to the Solarii holding Lara, and he chuckled and angled his arms to slit-

"No!" I found myself screaming, "Mathias wait! Please!"

Mathias' brow lifted showing his interest to what I have to say.

Lara was looking at me with wide eyes.

Before I could even think of words, they just tumbled out of my mouth, "Please don't kill Lara. Mathias please! I swear I will be compliant with your rituals and Himiko just- Please! Don't kill her!"

Mathias strode towards the man holding Lara down and stoked her cheek. He said softly, "Lara… that's your name hmm?"

Lara narrowed her eyes at him and he smiled turning towards me.

"No matter what you say, you are going to be compliant because you have no choice in the matter. You have no real offer and therefore, there's nothing for me to lose."

Mathias stepped back a few feet and sighed.

"This gets quite messy. The jugular vein is the biggest, least protected artery in the human body. If anything, I'm doing you a favor. She won't feel any pain. It'll be quick."

And just like that, the man holding Lara sliced her throat open. She let out a guttural, drowning noise and hit the floor.

The man holding me let go, and I ran towards her, shifting her in my arms with tears streaming down my face.

She's drowning in her own blood. Every short gasp she makes sends red liquid down her breathing tube, and I can see it. Her eyes are wide open, and she's staring at the ceiling, and clutching the front of my shirt for dear life.

I don't want her die, to leave me, but the longer she stays here fighting for life, she suffers in agony.

Her eyes are starting to look glassy. She hasn't blinked in a long time. Her grip on my shirt is loosening. I thought this was supposed to be a quick, painless death, but it seems like she's suffering an eternity in my arms.

My tears hit her forehead, and I wipe them away while pushing her bangs aside. She had so much life ahead of her, and I… I just got her killed. I couldn't think of a single word to say to her. Nothing soothing, no 'I'm sorry's'… I'm just sitting here wallowing in my tears.

I feel something weak grab my hand. It's Lara's hand. She moved her eyes slowly looking around the room until they settled on me. There was no blame, nor hate in her eyes, just… love. I don't deserve it. Lara is like family to me, like a sister to me, and in her dying breath… she is the one trying to comfort ME.

I lift her up more so I can cradle her head against my shoulder. I sob ragged breaths into her blood matted hair. It was all over the both of us. I can feel it soak into my pants because we're sitting in a pool of her blood.

We sit in silence for a little while until I can no longer feel her breathing. She's just gone quiet and limp. I mover her head to see her eyes are slowly drifting closed and her jaw go slack.

She's dead… gone forever.

My tears started to really flow now. I didn't know I could cry this much. Her lifeless form is now practically soaked from my tears.

I reach up to my cheek to wipe them away, but I can't find any, or not as much that would soak her with them. I look down at Lara and then up at the ceiling of the cave and notice cracks were forming in the cave and it's… raining through them. How fitting.

Rain leaked down in a showering, glistening show that silenced everyone while they stared up at it.

It was peaceful, surreal scene… mourning the death of a selfless angel. Angels never did anything wrong. Angels should never have to suffer. Angels did not deserve death. They are a special type of creature. Their soul is pure, and their will is strong. They only live to please. They are given a mission from the deity who sends them. They make sure it's carried out until the end, not matter the cost.

Lara was an angel.

Her mission was to fight for her friends, and fight for us she did.

The rain was coming down heavier now, relentlessly pounding on the cave floors. Thunder shook the walls of the cave startling myself and everyone else. Lightning flashed through the cracks in the cave ceiling. Wind started to chip away the sides of the cave.

This was starting to look like a familiar scenario, and not a good one.

As everyone seemed to have the same train of thought going, a furious thunder brought all of us to our knees. Lightning fiercely struck the cave and smashed a portion of it away.

This is an angry storm screaming for vengeance.

I dragged myself and Lara's body away from the gaping hole in the ceiling, and I held in my breath at what I was seeing.

Through the hole, a dark black cloud in the shape of an eye seemed to be searching inside the cave for something… or someone.

The sky growled and ripped away the rest of the cave ceiling and the opposite side of the wall.

Fucking tornadoes were destroying the surroundings around the cave.

Lightning blazed madly in wild directions and then, it was almost as if the storm recognized him.

Lara's killer.

Lightning pierced his heart faster than we could blink, and he went down and started to twitch uncontrollably from the electric shock.

This is what the storm had wanted.

It started to sink back into a regular, rhythmic rain, and then into a light drizzle and then, gone.

Clouds still loomed overhead, watching… waiting. Not a ray of sunshine shone through the sky.

The heartless murderer eventually stopped moving, and the life in his eyes faded away.

The machete he had used to kill Lara turned into burnt ashes. No one was going to carry that around as a trophy, the storm made sure of that.

I don't know how any of this is possible.

None of this should be.

No crazy cult, no bipolar weather, no Yamatai, no Sun Queen and most definitely not a corpse BREATHING against me.

I know my pulse is beating rapidly, but when I checked hers, it was beating thunderously strong.

I'm too afraid to look down.

What if I'm going insane and imaging things?

There's no fucking way this is real.

I dare myself to look down and I'm… shocked, confused, grateful and scared shitless.

Lara is alive, breathing, with a sturdy pulse and there's not a trace of any life threatening wound on her body.


	3. Chapter 3

-Mathias' POV-

Words have not managed to pierce this unending silence. No one knows what to say. Typically, the storms do not target us, the Solarii, but clearly we have done something displeasing.

Slowly, the puzzle pieces are fitting together in my mind. Himiko protected Samantha from the flames, as it was to be expected; therefore she is the chosen one. Our way off this god-forsaken island. And then there's the _other_ tedious contender.

She has somehow miraculously awakened from the dead. That shouldn't be possible. A lot of things on Yamatai shouldn't be possible but _THAT, _it's unheard of, even on this island. It's quite surprising, and this is the first time I have been surprised since the storm shipwrecked my vessel.

After Emilio killed the girl, immediately the storm struck him down. That's too bad. He was an obedient little solider. But he was only following orders as usual is what baffles me. We eliminate those who are against Himiko and clearly this girl is against us. So how did she recover so phenomenally? And why?

The Solarii do everything for our Sun Queen. We know what she wants, and she knows what we want. Her revival in exchange for our freedom.

So when we execute the enemy, it makes her revival easier to do and quickens the progression to it. Lara is a real thorn in my side, killing hundreds, maybe thousands of my brothers all on her own. She is just a girl, but it seems her lucky stars, guardian angel or whatever else aid her in her fight tremendously.

That's when it clicks.

It's not luck that saves her skin. She's being watched over, taken care of. She doesn't realize it, but she is. It can't be Himiko assisting her because Lara wants to stop her to save Samantha.

Himiko's power is dormant within Samantha, so even if the Queen wanted to help Lara, she couldn't. And the one who does her majesty's bidding is…

Ah… So _that's_ who's looking after Lara.

I start chuckling. This is a strange predicament. Lara, the enemy, is now untouchable.

-3rd Person POV-

Sam clutched Lara tightly to her. Afraid that at any moment, reality would come crashing down her world, and it would take Lara away with it as well.

'_There's no way in hell that's happening,' _Sam seethed.

'_They're going to have to kill me before they touch a single hair on her head.'_

There were traces of tears still on her cheeks, but her jaw was clenched tight. She would fight off any attacker threatening Lara's life. She just got it back, and Sam was dead set that no one would take it away from her again.

Lara was still out cold and breathing through parted lips.

Mathias ushered all but one solider to come and gather in a circle. The soldier that was left out was keeping watch over Sam and Lara from a distance.

They started speaking in Portuguese, and Sam couldn't get a grasp on what they were discussing.

Sam didn't care. At least they weren't bothering them. For now.

Sam continued rocking Lara gently while keeping her eyes trained on the group of Solarii and occasionally glancing at the look out.

"We will continue this discussion back in the Capitol. Ari, take Samantha with you. I will arrive there within three days," Mathias ordered.

The one named Ari tapped a tan knuckle on another soldier's shoulder, in a gesture to follow him.

They were both walking towards Sam and Lara.

Sam tensed up when they were within a foot of Lara and herself.

Ari cautiously reached down and tried to pull Sam's arm off of Lara.

Sam jerked her arm away and glared at him.

Ari stood back up and sighed. He ran a hand through his jet black hair and looked at Sam with an annoyed facial expression.

"Don't make this hard on yourself," Ari said. Sam continued glaring at him. His tired grey-green eyes simply glared right back.

Ari sighed again and ran a hand down his face, "If it makes you feel any better, no harm will come to her."

"What?" Sam asked incredulously. They had just attempted to kill her best friend, and now they claim they won't hurt her? Sounds like pure bullshit.

Ari held out a scarred hand for Sam to take, but she still wasn't budging. Ari huffed and ground out in rising anger, "If you don't get your ass up and follow us, then you are going to force us to hurt her if that's what it'll take."

The man next to Ari set the butt of his rifle on his shoulder, ready to beat someone to a bloody pulp with it if needed.

Sam swallowed nervously and glanced down at Lara. There was nothing she could do. And Lara couldn't and shouldn't suffer any longer.

Sam laid Lara down gently on the ground and raised herself up on shaky knees.

Sam faced Ari and growled, "You better keep your word. _Don't _hurt her whatsoever."

Ari was unfazed by Sam's anger. He stole a quick glance down at Lara and then to Mathias. He nodded at Mathias and turned to leave, expecting Sam to follow right behind him.

Sam trudged after Ari with the rifle guy right behind her.

She turned around before leaving the cave to see Lara being carried away by Mathias.

'_What are they going to do with her?' _Sam thought anxiously. Mathias usually had his goons do the manual work for him, but now he's carrying Lara away all by himself. Whatever it is, it can't be good.

Sam seriously doubted they were going to keep their promise. When Lara wakes up, she's going to fight them. She'd be more of a nuisance alive, and it'd be the easier route to kill her now and not have to worry about her wreaking havoc on the island.

The man with the ruffle pushed Sam out of the cave and Lara was now out of sight, but definitely not out of mind.


	4. Chapter 4

-Lara's POV-

"Unngh..." I felt myself groan. I grabbed my throbbing head in my hands, willing this killer headache to go away. Or trying to at least.

Did I fall asleep?

I haven't opened my eyes yet. Light might just be the death of me if I tried. Well, I'm going to have to sooner or later. Slowly, I crack my eyes open and thank the heavens that there's only a little sliver of light coming through the grungy ceiling. Don't know if I could have taken more than that.

'Baby steps Lara', I coax myself. Too much could send me back to square one, and I'd have to go through this tedious process all over again. 'Let's try to gather our bearings.'

I'm lying on a cold, rocky ground. The walls and ceiling are also made of rock so my deduction is, I'm in a cave. A freezing one too.

I shiver and slowly wrap my arms around myself. It doesn't help much since I'm, for some reason, wet all over.

The air smells fresh so it must have rained.

I swivel my head, careful not to jar my brain too much, and look at my surroundings.

Blue tapestry's hung precariously on almost all sides of the cave's walls. Gray stonework was built into some of the walls as steps, platforms, and a single, tall statue of a man.

Golden artifacts adorn the room in a messy fashion, as if someone had searched through them looking for something in particular. The relics here would surely be worth a lot of money. Was there something here that was even more valuable?

I dare to test the fragile waters of my aching body; I make a move to sit myself up.

I bend my knees to my chest and lay my head on top them.

I take a couple of deep breaths and glance up. I'm starting to see more clearly. I think I might have a concussion.

Remembering what had just previously happened makes its way to the front of my brain. I couldn't save Sam, I failed her.

And now I don't know where I am or where she is.

Why am I in here? I would have thought they'd lock me up as a prisoner or just kill me… Wait…

I reach a hand up around my throat and it's… fine. No scabbing, no pain, it's as if it never happened.

I have so many more questions than answers at the moment, but I can't dwell on those. I have to get out of here.

I stand up; my legs almost give out on me so I brace an arm against the wall for a couple of seconds.

Okay, scope out the room, someone put me in here so there has to be a way out.

I walk around the cave and glance, and feel around for maybe, I dunno, a hidden door? Because I don't see a visible one.

I almost trip over a pile of equipment while I was still looking around. I look down and I'm… surprised.

All of my weapons and gear are in here with me. Maybe someone saved me and gave me my stuff back? No, that can't be it. They wouldn't just leave me in here without a way out.

I strap on all my familiar belongings and my confidence grows. I can definitely find my way out of here now. Door or no door.

The cave is a little dark so I light up my torch and light other candles in the room as well. I stand back when I'm done and view the room.

There are huge murals painted on the cave walls. Maybe I should check them out.

I bring my torch with me and I start to scan a random mural. I'll have to sort out the order of them later.

A blue-tinted man is kneeling down in a grassy field with trees and flowers and animals in the picture. He looks sad and cold. A black cloud is looming over his head, the sun's rays do not penetrate them and he is in darkness and out of place in the, otherwise, peaceful scene.

The next one is him wearing an angry expression, and a storm is raging above him. The tree is on fire, lighting struck down a deer, the once pleasant scene is now in chaos because of his anger. Do his emotions control the weather patterns?

I glance at the next one which is a little worse for wear than all the others, but I can still make out some of the picture. The man is lying in the field crying after the destruction. Feminine-looking hands reach out to him to comfort him after his outburst. In her hands is an ancient Mayan symbol for peace and harmony. Mayans in Yamatai? That's never been heard of.

I scan the rest of the crumbling murals and come to a conclusion.

The blue man controls the storms and is somehow in league with the storm guards in Yamatai who protect Queen Himiko. Himiko protects him from destroying himself and Yamatai and he takes it as a pronouncement of love for him. He confesses to her and then she disappears and is never seen again. He takes this as rejection from Himiko and his heart turns cold and bitter towards the world and the ever rampant chaos that ensues while he lies wasting away and waiting for his majesty's return.

It's sad how he doesn't realize he is being used. The evil Sun Queen will even stoop so low as to use love as a way to revive herself.

I keep scanning over various artifacts in the room, still vainly looking for a door, and trying to keep myself from getting hypothermia.

I walk over to the large statue of a man.

He's in a small sliver of the only light in the room, besides my torch, and it doesn't look like one warm ray has penetrated his being.

His eyes are distant, lost, cold…

He's the blue man in the murals. He may look and feel gloomy, but he is immensely powerful from what I've gathered.

He holds two daggers in his awaiting hands. His gesture seems to imply that he was giving them to someone or letting them see them.

I blow dust off of one of the handles of the daggers and swab my finger over it until I could read it. I moved my torch closer because I could barley read the Mayan script in the condition it was in.

"Hu…Hurakan…?" I question.

Immediately after I spoke, a stone stairwell slowly crept in, making the entire cave tremble and shake. Upon the top of the stairs sat an ornate casket.

I found myself walking up the stairs and staring at the closed coffin.

It was beautiful. Beads ran up and down the sides and not a scratch could be seen which was surprising considering how old this thing is. Most coffins are made of gold for the powerful leaders but this one wasn't. It had deep emerald in the corners, all the edges were a rich magenta with strips of reddish-pink in them as well and blue crystals added in the fray of assorted colors. What's really weird about this coffin is the main pieces on it are mirrors.

The top of the coffin was shaped in a 3d body and it was all in mirrors.

I am transfixed on the elaborate design of the coffin and I look at the mirror body on top and see my reflection in the face piece of the body.

I've been trying to avoid mirrors at all costs. I know how god-awful I look but I really just don't want to see myself right now. Not until I take a long, hot shower and sadly, I don't see that in my future anytime soon.

The tomb rattles and a sudden earth quake shakes the cave and I fall down, but grip the edges of the coffin so I don't tumble down the stairs.

After that strange occurrence is over, my fingers have gripped the edge so tightly, my knuckles are pure white and I pull myself up and stand to give them a break.

I gasp as I peek inside the open tomb. Since when was it opened? And how?

Small puffs of fog come out… like something was breathing.

I'm literally frozen in place until it stops.

"…_finally…"_ I hear someone whisper faintly.

My hearts stops and I'm screaming while a sinister being pulls me into the coffin, shuts it, and my world falls into the familiar abyss of darkness once again.


End file.
